Demented Picnic
by Mousebird
Summary: Gojyo thinks he probably shouldn't go to such lengths to get attention, but he can't seem to help himself. Sanzo x Gojyo


A/N: This fic was inspired by a conversation I had with Purpleicicles over at saiyukiyaoi (a Livejournal community).

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The bar maid leaned forward on the counter. "I like your style, boys. What can I get you?" 

Gojyo spun around on his bar stool to face Sanzo. "Did you hear that? She says we have style!"

Sanzo scowled and rustled his newspaper. Who the hell reads newspapers at the bar, anyway!? "She doesn't mean you, bird brain."

Gojyo smirked and pulled down the edge of the newspaper so he could eye the rumpled priest. "... Is someone grumpy 'cause he never gets laid? Hmmm?"

Sanzo dropped the paper on the bar and aimed his pistol directly between Gojyo's eyes. Gojyo's hands rose slowly, in a placating gesture. Well, at least he wasn't bored anymore.

Hakkai walked into the room, arms laden with dishes. "... Looks like we'll be eating on the porch again, Goku."

"Yay! A picnic!" The monkey's face lit up, and he made a beeline for the door leading out onto the porch.

The bar maid was surprisingly relaxed, considering a priest had just whipped his pistol out, _in public_. She was untying her apron as she moved out from behind the counter. "Mind if I join you?" she asked Hakkai. "My shift's just ending."

Hakkai smiled back at her. "Of course not." He gestured for her to go first. "... Well, as long as you don't bring any pickle spears, that is." he added, tossing a sour look over his shoulder. "Apparently, Sanzo and Gojyo here can't handle their vegetables. Last time we had them, Sanzo ended up storming off in a huff and Gojyo ended up covered in egg salad. It was quite the mess."

Gojyo winced as the door to the porch swung shut behind them. Great. Thanks for that, Hakkai. Way to irritate the priest.

"Oh, dear!" he could hear the bar maid exclaiming, "They're quite childish, aren't they?"

Gojyo, eyes still fixed on the cold metal pressing against his forehead, called over his shoulder, "Oy! What ever happened to 'stylish'!?"

Sanzo continued to glare at him, and there was no response from the porch.

Shrugging, Gojyo grinned disarmingly at the priest. The smell of food was starting to drift in from outside, and his stomach growled in repsonse. "C'mon, man, the pickle thing was, like, a week ago. Besides, if we don't get our butts in gear, the monkey'll inhale everything before we even get a taste."

Twenty minutes later, the bar maid had been called back to the kitchen for some minor emergency, and Gojyo was smirking as he waved a full plate of kappa maki under Sanzo's nose. "Want one?"

Sanzo scowled suspiciously at the sectioned cucumber spears. "... Not a chance."

"Wait, lemme see!" Goku called, leaning over, a fried duck leg in each hand. "... Oh. Veggies," he murmured, disappointed. "Hakkai, you want some?"

Hakkai reached forward, then paused when Hakuryu tugged on his sleeve. When he looked down, the dragon shook his white head vigorously. "Did _you_ make these, Gojyo?"

Gojyo scowled. There was no need to sound so freakin' suspicious! It wasn't like he was trying to hide it or anything. "Oh come on!" he complained. "Even I can't ruin green stuff!" Three matching sets of disbelieving eyes stared back at him. Hakuryu had hidden his head behind a wing. The little rat just better not be snickering! "... Fine!" Gojyo growled. "I'll just eat them myself! You're the ones who're missing out here."

Hakkai propped his chin in both hands, Goku stared avidly as he chewed absentmindedly on a duck leg, and Sanzo tried to pretend he wasn't watching from the corners of his eyes as he heaped fried rice on his empty plate. Gojyo speared one of the sushi rolls with a pair of chopsticks and shoved it in his mouth. He'd show them. The bastards! His cooking was _totally_ edible. Eyes narrowed, he chewed quickly, determined to finish them off in one go.

When he'd thrust the third one in his mouth, he finally started to register the taste. It tasted kinda off, actually. Swallowing determinedly, Gojyo told himself he was just letting their expentant stares get to him. There was nothing wrong with the freakin' sushi. Glaring back at them, he speared another and shoveled it into his mouth. He continued chewing, but he'd started to slow down. Oh crap! He could feel his stomach rebelling. He was gonna blow chunks, and he was gonna do it NOW! Clamping a hand over his mouth in a desperate attempt to salvage his dignity, Gojyo made a dash for the restroom. Damn that smug bastard of a priest! He was probably laughing his ass off!

As the door to the men's room banged shut and Gojyo collapsed in front of the stool, he heard Sanzo murmur, "Pass the duck, Goku."

Gojyo heaved. Dammit! Now he was gonna associate _duck_ with puking his guts up. At least he wasn't hungry anymore. His stomach clenched and he bent forward again.

Goku's voice chimed in, and the monkey sounded way too cheerful. "Gojyo's not gonna want his now, is he? Can I have it?" Traitor! Gojyo might not be hungry, but he was still competitive, dammit! He surged to his feet, determined to march back out to the porch and claim his fair share, but another convulsion forced him to return to his knees and cling to the porcelain once again. Oh, he was so gonna throw the monkey's boots out the window.

"Ah-ha-ha. Sure, why not?" Hakkai. Gojyo closed his eyes. Ah, well. Hakkai'd fix him a midnight snack if he wheedled enough.

"Man," Gojyo murmured, resting his head on the rim of the seat, "I'm pathetic." A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Here he was, hugging porcelain, and he couldn't stop smiling 'cause Sanzo had paid more attention to him in the last half hour than he had in the last week. 'Course, he'd meant to impress the priest with his cooking, or at least make a few sly remarks about cucumbers. But, he'd managed to get the uptight bastard's attention anyway, so it had been worth it. ... Well, probably.


End file.
